can someone proofread my essay and give me some suggestions?
Posted March 24th, 2009 by admin 8 Comments »
Title: describe a place spatially (i chose an abandoned emergency room)
Resting in the centre of the trauma room stands an enormous bed. It’s clean, blue blanket now turned to a dirty, dark gloomy shade of grey mess. All the medical supplies scattered on the surface of the bed, with these stained, black blood spots.
Above the bed stands a huge halogen light bulb, which half the glass is broken. Spread out on the table next to the bed sit untidily wrapped bandages, covered with dried out blood. Positioned above the doorway to the doctors’ lounge, which is adjacent to the examination room, holds a bloody surgical robe. The smell of blood fulfilled in this large area, draws people out of this ominous, daunting area.
Centred on the wall rests an old, brown, leather couch, now covered with a heavy layer of dust and dirt. Cold, frightening, billowing wind keeps coming from the broken window on the left side, ruffles the paper on the table on the other side.
Next comes the heart of the emergency room. This huge, open resuscitation area not only proves this hospital’s once-while success, but also tells the downfall of its history. The once crowded bay area now become empty, left with a huge, chaotic mess.
By the entrance stands a bronze statue, which labels the founder of the hospital. Its formerly bright, glistening surface now becomes dull, and sarcastic. Over all the broken chairs and the wrecked vending machine, it comes to the main entrance of the room. In the recently years thousands of patients came in and out from this entrance, but now the crowded sight would not be happened again. This scene of the emergency room creates a cold, lonely atmosphere that depicts this old, abandoned County General Hospital.
