Above the bed a large halogen light bulb is hung; half the glass broken. Spread out on the cold, metal table, next to this unsightly bed, sit untidy-wrapped bandages also covered with dried-out blood. Positioned above the doorway to the doctors’ lounge, which is adjacent to the horrific examination room, a bloody surgical robe hangs. The smell of blood fills this large area and draws people out of this ominous area.

Centered against the wall rests an old, cracked, brown leather couch; now covered with a heavy layer of dust and speckles of dirt. Cold, frightening, billowing winds keep coming in from the shattered window to the left. These chilling winds ruffle the long-forgotten paper on the table on the other side of the room.

Next comes the heart of the emergency room. This huge, open resuscitation area not only proves this hospital’s once successful venture, but also tells the downfall of its history. The always-crowded bay area has now become empty; left with a grand, chaotic mess.

By the entrance stands a bronze statue which has a label honoring the founder of this once successful healthcare facility. Its formerly bright, glistening surface is now dull and sarcastic. Over all the broken chairs, and the ruined vending machine, one comes to the main entrance of the room. In recent years, thousands of patients came in and out of this entrance way, but that crowded sight would no longer be. This scene of the ever-so-important emergency room creates a cold, lonely atmosphere that dipicts this old, abandonded County General Hospital.

4. The essay lacks emotions and feeling. That is what gives life to the essay. For instance, “… the blood stained bed stares at you, a constant reminder of the agony and suffering that its last user went through..”

5. The last paragraph is a good attempt. But the use of the word “centred” weakness the intented meaning. There is no order in chaos. You dont expect the couch to be centred on the walls in such an abandoned room.

Please rewrite the essay considering some of my comments and post it for comments.

It’s clean, blue…(too many descriptive words for one sentence)
It’s once clean, blue blanket now turned to a dirty shade of gray.

All the medical…
Medical supplies are scattered on the surface with THEIR stains of spattered black blood.

which half the glass…
Above the bed stands a huge halogen light with it’s broken bulb. OR ‘with a broken bulb.’

next to the bed sit…
next to the bed lay an untidy heap of bandages, covered in dried blood.

blood fulfilled… - look it up, not the word you want
The smell of blood that fills (another word is permeates) the large area,

Cold, frightening….
Cold, frightening billows of wind come from the broken window on the left side and ruffles the paper on the table that sets on the other side of the room. OR ‘opposite side of the room’

once-while???
proves it was once a success.

Above the bed hangs a large (or long, huge sounded too informal) halogen light bulb with half the glass shattered. Spread out on the table next to the bed sit untidily wrapped bandages, covered with dried-out blood. Adjacent to the examination room is the doctors’ lounge. Above the doorway there is a bloody surgical robe. The smell of blood fulfilled in this large area, draws people out of this ominous, daunting area. (This last sentence makes no sense!)

Centered against the wall rests an old brown leather couch, now covered with a heavy layer of dust and dirt. Cold, frightening, billowing wind keeps blowing in from the broken window on the left side, ruffling the paper on the table next to it.

Additional Details

14 minutes ago
Next comes the heart of the emergency room. This huge, open resuscitation area proves this hospital was once successful, but now tells the story of its downfall. The previously (instead of using “once” again) crowded bay area now stands empty and all that is left is a chaotic mess. (i’m not sure how it can both be empty and a chaotic mess??)
By the entrance stands a bronze statue, honoring the founder of the hospital. Its formerly bright, glistening surface is now dull, and sarcastic. Past all the broken chairs and the wrecked vending machine, is the main entrance of the room. In recent years thousands of patients came in and out of this entrance, but now the crowded sight would not be happened again. (the 2nd part sounds weird) The scene in the emergency room creates a cold, lonely atmosphere that depicts the old, abandoned County General Hospital.

-Stop using the word huge.
- Bronze can not be sarcastic. Look up the meaning of the word and find a different adjective.
- I agree about the blood thing, maybe talk about something else.